Cheesy Baked Potato Soup...

Cheesy Baked Potato Soup 

I don't recall where I first saw this recipe, or I would put a link to it. This is my adjusted recipe. It is a family favorite, especially on cold winter evenings. I have included my notes at the end of the recipe. Add your own touches to make this your own. Enjoy! 

Cheesy “Baked Potato” Soup 

6 T unsalted butter OR margarine

1 1/4 C chopped onions *I use less

1 1/2 C chopped celery *I use less

1 carrot chopped fine

4 C chicken broth (2 cans)

8-9 medium sized potatoes, peeled and cubed

Salt & Pepper to taste

12-16 oz Velveeta Cheese, cubed small *I use 16oz.

4 T flour

2 1/3 C milk

*½ to 1 C chopped ham OR fried bacon  

* Sour Cream

* Chives

* Optional

1. Melt butter in large pot over medium heat. Sauté onions and celery in the butter for 5-10 minutes or until tender.

2. Stir in broth, carrot and potatoes, bring to boil and then simmer until potatoes are tender, 30-45 minutes. Also, *if you’re using ham OR bacon add it now / *add salt & pepper now

3. Add cheese, stir until melted.

4. In separate small bowl, combine flour and milk, stir well until flour is mostly dissolved. Pour this into soup slowly, stirring constantly, until soup has thickened, about 5 minutes.

5. *Garnish with sour cream dollop and *chives.

Serves 6-8

Notes:

Can be halved. Leftovers do not freeze well.

Can be made in crock pot on low all day, then steps 3-5 before serving.

I cube the potatoes in three sizes: large (1“cubes), medium and very small. The small cubes will practically dissolve and makes the soup thicker.

I garnish with a dollop of sour cream and dried chives, like a baked potato.

Can substitute chicken bouillon cubes/water for chicken broth, dried minced onion, ¼ C dehydrated carrots*, scant ¼ cup dehydrated celery* if using dehydrated veggies add appropriate water (1 Cup each). Can substitute 1qt home canned turkey or chicken broth. 

Still ill...

My husband Jim continues to struggle with symptoms from his cancer, as well as the chemotherapy and radiation treatments that he had. Jim remains extremely tired, nauseous, and weak. The doctor stated last month that Jim's symptoms could continue for a year. We have a long road ahead of us. 

Good news...

22Oct2013 Jim’s appt, short answer: GOOD NEWS! Long answer: My husband Jim had his consultation today regarding his Lung Cancer status. We did not receive any bad news today. Jim’s most recent CT and PET did NOT show any worrisome activity. Jim’s pericardium and pulmonary vein looked good. There is a small area on the right lung that will be closely monitored, but we are not alarmed. The doctor feels, and we agree, that they have done all the chemotherapy and radiation that they can do at this point. The doctor would not say “remission”, we did ask him directly. The doctor did say “guarded optimism”. The doctor stated directly to Jim that he “expects the cancer to come back within two years”. This timeline falls in line with the information that we received at the time of Jim’s pneumonectomy. *Stage 4 NSCLC that has invaded the heart has its own set of parameters. During this phase we will have a “wait and see policy” with Jim having serial CTs and PETs. We are pleased with this update. This news is good news.

This status post comes just nine short months (to the day!) after I announced on my facebook that Jim had cancer. It is just ten short months (to the day!) from Jim’s very first appointment that began this journey. We had no idea at that time that it was cancer. Our lives have certainly changed during 2013. 

Waiting...

My husband, Jim, is still waiting for tests and test results to see if his stage 4 lung cancer is still active. These results will let us know if the cancer treatments were successful or not. Once we have the information, Jim can make a plan and move forward. The weeks of waiting are stressful. Hopefully, we will have information by the end of this month. 

On my feet...

Finally, I am back on my financial feet again. It was a long and difficult summer, financially speaking. My husband Jim only received 50% of his June short-term disability check, due to calendar dates. Then his payments switched from short-term disability to long-term disability. I soon found out that Jim’s short-term paid at the front end of the month, and long-term paid at the end of the month. Jim had no disability check at all for July, or for August. I only work during the school year, so I had no income at all during the summer. I had to manage the entire summer on half of one month’s payment. I went the entire summer on a wing and a prayer, on credit cards, and on the kindness of others. Jim had already emptied his entire savings account and I had nothing left to fall back on. It was scary. It was humbling. It was hard.

It was a difficult time for me, financially speaking. It was also a difficult time for me, emotionally speaking. It was difficult to tell my son that he could not participate in various activities. My daughter did not participate in any extra activities. We were unable to go visit adult children. It was difficult to do activities with my family that required money. It was difficult to ask for help. 

I am now happy to say that this month I am back on track. I was able to meet our financial obligations once again. I had to tell my son that he could not participate in football this year, but sports are a luxury that I cannot justify right now. There is no savings account yet and there are no extra funds, but our obligations/bills are paid. 

I am thankful to friends that have helped us along the way. I have received gifts from gardens, gifts from kitchens, gifts of money, gifts of clothing, gifts of school supplies, gifts of camping, and gifts of time. I will one day to pay it forward. 

No information...

My husband, Jim, has now completed his radiation regime for his stage 4 lung cancer NSCLC. The radiation center gave Jim a cheesy diploma (lol). Jim had already completed his four cycles of chemotherapy. Jim also completed an additional cycle of chemotherapy with a different drug.

Jim had his appointment with his oncologist. We learned… nothing. Yes your read that correctly, we learned nothing. Jim was told to “come back in five weeks” and “we’ll see how you’re doing”.

I think it is time for a second opinion. I do not like the vagueness and allusiveness of this doctor. The doctor tends to practice what I call “defensive doctoring”, meaning the tests, procedures, and health plan are all geared towards a CYA approach of doctoring and do not appear to be geared towards Jim’s unique cancer and unique situation. I was disappointed with the “nothing” report that we received.

Jim has consulted with another doctor to request that Jim’s CTs and PETs are reviewed and explained in full. Jim had asked his own oncologist but the oncologist never complied with Jim's request. As you may recall Jim had a complete left pneumonectomy. My specific concern is that Jim had a nodule in the right lung, and now they are not commenting about that nodule. If it is gone, that is actually a bad thing (not a good thing); because that means that there was actually cancer in the right lung. If the nodule is gone, that means that the chemo has worked to reduce the nodule, but the simple fact that the nodule was there at all means that the cancer has spread to other organs (the right lung). If the nodule is still there, that is actually a good thing because that means it is probably a fungus which is common in our area of the Midwest. 

On a more positive note, I suppose that a neutral "nothing" report is better than a negative report. 

Jim remains extremely nauseated. Jim remains extremely fatigued. Jim is doing his very best to manage his multiple symptoms, but it is a daily challenge. As I have said many times, and will continue to say: Play the cards that are dealt; and it is what it is.

More treatments...

My husband Jim is continuing his radiation treatments. The radiation should have ended by now, but the treatments were not deemed successful so the treatments will be extended by two weeks. Jim is also simultaneously utilizing chemotherapy treatments once per week. These chemo treatments will also be extended, but no end date has been set as of this posting. 

Jim continues to struggle with day-to-day living because he is so very tired and weak. Jim requires several naps per day, and yet he still feels quite fatigued. Things that Jim used to do, now go undone. 


Jim still has his hair. Jim was told that his first cycles of chemo would cause hair loss; but it did not. Jim was told that this round of radiation and chemo would cause hair loss; but it has not. When Jim became sick Jim had let his beard grow. Jim's beard became a sight with uneven growth. Recently, Jim decided to trim his beard. It looks much neater now. 

Jim tries to keep his spirits up, and for the most part he is successful. Of course he has his low moments, but overall Jim maintains a positive attitude. As we often say: It is what it is and play the cards that are dealt to you. 

Staying home...

We were invited once again to go camping this Labor Day weekend; but we had to pass. Even though it is a three-day weekend, the weather is supposed to be quite hot, over 100°. This heatwave would mean that my husband Jim would have to stay out of the heat because 100° would be too taxing on his body, even if he were simply sitting in the shade. The heat would also be too intense for our special needs daughter. So, we decide to just stay home this weekend. If we are going to be stuck inside due to the heat, we might as well stay home. 

What’s that…

Some days are easy. Some days are hard. Some days are only motions. 

I was sitting outside; just reading. I felt something on my face; I thought it was a fly. I swooshed it away. But, it wasn't a fly. It was a tear. Sometimes the tears fall and I don’t even realize it. 

I never dreamed that this would be my life. It is more difficult now than it was me 25 years ago. When it was me, I could handle it. When it is another, it is sometimes more than I can handle. 

My heart aches all the time. 

headache...

I get a headache from holding back tears. Some days it is very difficult to get through the day without crying. After a few hours of holding the tears in, the headache sets in, which makes me want to cry, creating a vicious circle. But, I have to wait. Wait until no one is home, wait until everyone is sound asleep, wait and hope that the issue will disappear; I wait until the pain of not crying outweighs the tears. Then the tears flow. Quietly, not sobbing; the tears just flow like a faucet left on trickle. I most often cry in the middle of the night. I go into the living room, by myself, and the tears just start. I try to get distracted on my computer, but I cannot see to type because of the tears. I cannot read a book, or check my messages on my phone. It’s like a valve gently releasing pressure that must be let go. Sometimes the headache is so strong. But, I have to wait, and the waiting is the worst. 

6 month goal...

Today is 12Aug2013. My husband Jim is now 6 months post-pneumonectomy! This was a calendar goal for us. Next calendar goal is March 12, 2014. Woot! Jim is having a lot of side effects from the radiation and new chemo, but he is hanging in there. Go Jim! 

I wish I had time today for a longer post about this, but I can't today. Sorry. 

Rain...

We have minor flooding in the laundry room from the constant rain here in Kansas. Luckily, it is contained to one area of the basement. I have been busy with the floor squeegee and utilizing the floor fans. 

Our ground is saturated from the rains. It's very unusual to flood in July or August in our area of Kansas. Often, Kansas has had drought and very high temperatures at this time of year. 2013 has been unusually wet and cooler. 

Jim has been to tired to help me due to his cancer and chemo, but luckily the seeping water had been manageable. The rains are not pouring down, but are light, yet constant. 

I enjoy watching the rains. I just wish I weren't watching it come into the basement. I have it better than most, so I won't complain. 

Still struggling...

I am still struggling with keeping up on the blog. Summer has taken a toll on us; financial, physical, time, strength, courage, energy, and I could go on and on. I pledge again to try and do better with the blog. 

Jim's chemo treatment for his lung cancer was not deemed successful. Jim is now utilizing radiation and a new chemo, simultaneously. This new regime is taking a toll on Jim. He is extremely fatigued, weak, tired, low energy; all of those types of terms. 

Jim continues to have a positive attitude and sense of humor. I continue to try and support him and our family. 

The CONSTANT battle with the insurance company has been a huge source of stress and frustration. We have no income for July and August, thanks a lot BCBS and Cigna. We'll make it but it is so stressful sometimes wondering how we'll make it! 

I am thankful for my friends, and for Jim's friends. Their continued love and support means more than they will ever know. I need to give a special shout out to D. D's unwavering support means the world to us.

Thank you...

Thank you. Throughout Jim’s cancer crisis I have been in awe of the kindness and generosity displayed to us. Some people we knew would step forward and assist us in any way they could, and they certainly have. Some people we didn't expect but were pleasantly surprised by their help. Some saw a need and just took care of it. Some pointed us in the right direction. Some have prayed for us, thought of us, provided positive energy and uplifted us. Some people helped with encouraging words (some spoken and some written), some in actions and deeds, some with childcare, some financially, some gave time, some gave meals, some gave gift cards, some gave groceries, some in all categories. Some people have no idea just how much they have helped us. Sometimes it was a huge need that was met. Sometimes it was the littlest thing that was huge to us. Sometimes it was a tiny smile or a fb post of theirs that hit home. Some people knew that they helped us; some have no idea that it meant so much. Some types of assistance were easy to accept; sometimes we had to swallow our pride to say yes. Some of you truly were the mouth or hands of God, if you realize it or not. Some of you helped anonymously… and we never did figure out who you were, so I cannot personally thank you but I hope you know that you are appreciated.  We are so very thankful to each of you. If I haven’t personally thanked you, please know that I meant to and it was an oversight. Some of you may not realize that it was you that touched our hearts. Jim and I (and Matt) had a conversation regarding how it felt to be blessed by others, so that we can remember that feeling, so that we can pay it forward in the future. Several days I have been moved to tears by your words or deeds, and again today is one of those days as I reflect back over the last few months. Sometimes "Thank You" doesn't seem like it's deep enough to say what we feel, but I don't have a better phrase. Thank you, from both Jim and I. <3

Change in plans...

My husband Jim has had some bothersome symptoms recently. Jim's chemo is temporarily on hold for a week while they do an MRI and CT scan. After reviewing these two procedures, chemo will most likely resume. Please pray for clean results of both tests; and that chemo can resume quickly. 

dropped the ball...

I have dropped the ball on my blogging. Short update: Jim is continuing his chemo, now in cycle 4. Son is playing tennis and swimming. Daughter is in ESY Summer School. I am trying to keep up on my family-taxi service, lol. We went camping. I promise to try and catch up in more detail "soon". Thank you for your patience.

Now what...

Today is a pity-party type of day for me. I had pinned all my hopes on one thing that did not come through for us. Now I have no plan. I am devastated. I'm depressed. I'm worried. I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm lost. I'm teary. I'm emotional. 

Just for clarification, this paragraph does not concern Jim’s heath.

On schedule...

My husband Jim's white blood cell count had risen to an acceptable level. Jim was able to pick up his chemo schedule where he left off, at C2d22. This is good news. 

Monday (20May2013) will be the first day if cycle 3, C3d1. Info on chemo cycles can be found in previous posts. 

Worried...

I am requesting prayers and good wishes that Jim’s WBC count will be acceptable and that Jim will resume his chemo schedule without any further delays. Last week Jim’s low white blood cell count forced Jim off of his chemo schedule. Jim was unable to receive his scheduled chemo treatment and instead had to take a series of five shots to try to force his WBC count back up. Today, Jim will return to the cancer center with the goal of his WBC count being at an acceptable level and that he will be able to receive his chemo treatment. Last Monday C2d22 was cancelled, so today should put him back at C2d22 again to resume his previous schedule. 

Edit: Jim's WBC was good. He did receive chemo. It was day C2d22 again, as expected. He is now resumed his chemo schedule. Good news. Thank you for praying and for caring. 

Generosity...

Once again I am left in awe because of the kindness of others. My co-workers (at two schools!) donated money to Jim and I to help with medical expenses. I was so surprised, so thankful, so grateful, and so appreciative of their kindness and generosity. I certainly did not expect it! I was so touched and overwhelmed with their compassion I had to fight back tears just minutes before school was to start because I didn't want the kids at school to think something was wrong. I held it together, barely. I will always wonder if my friends know how much their gesture meant to me. 

Their timing was impeccable. Just yesterday I had expressed concern in my blog about Jim’s low white blood cell count. I didn't blog about the financial aspect, but I also had concern about Jim’s five extra trips to the cancer facility to receive the additional medications. Each trip takes more gasoline money. Each additional doctor visit is another $35 co-pay. My main focus was, and is, Jim’s low WBC counts… but in the back of my mind I was worried about the extra expenses. I knew (or was hopeful) the funds would somehow work out; at least it always seems to work out. Little did I know that 'elves" were at work gathering funds to assist us through this crisis. The amount that we received, $249.00, was the exact amount to cover the five co-pays, plus gasoline, plus Jim’s new prescriptions. It was amazing to me that the exact amount we needed was the exact amount we received. As a friend told me today, God knows. 

They will never know just how deeply I was moved by their kindness. Some of the co-workers I have know for years, some of them I recently met, some of them I do not know at all. And yet, they helped us. Someday I will pay it forward. 

Low white blood cells...

Today (C2d22) Jim was to have another chemo treatment. I say “was” because his treatment was cancelled due to a very low white blood cell count. WBC allow a body to fend off germs. It would put him at risk to have the treatment, and it puts him at risk if he does not have the treatment. It’s a no-win situation.

Jim will now have a series of injections to try and build up his white blood cells. These injections carry a risk as well. Jim must also begin an antibiotic series for a week, again a risk. The goal is to boost Jim’s WBC count so that he can resume his chemotherapy treatments.

This is not the news that I want to report. As I have said before, it is what it is and we will play the cards that are dealt to us. Jim's WBC count needs to rise to an acceptable level. If you are so inclined, please add Jim to your prayer list, send good thoughts, words of encouragement, and so forth. 

Strawberries...

This last weekend I took advantage of a sale on strawberries. I made several strawberry recipes: Jam, Strawberry Sauce, Strawberry Pie, Dehydrated Strawberries and more. My favorite new was Strawberry Preserves. I had found this pin on Pinterest. It is the recipe from the Pioneer Woman. It looks and tastes wonderful. I recommend it. I loved it so much that I made a second batch! Give it a try and let me know how you like it. 

April updates about Jim...

photo google images

Jim had a busy week. Monday, 22Apr13 C2d8, Jim had his scheduled chemo treatment. His white blood cell count was just enough that he was able to receive a full dose of the medicine. This was good news because I want the cancer gone!

Also that week Jim had an echocardiogram on his heart. This was a follow up to the echo that he'd had last month. The doctors are looking to see if everything is still the same. The results were as expected.

And that week Jim had a CT scan. This CT scan will establish a post-surgery benchmark to measure the cancer movement as the chemo progresses. The results have not yet been discussed with us in detail, but nothing alarming was in the report.

On Monday, 29Apr13 C2d15, Jim had his scheduled chemo appointment. Jim’s white blood cell count was again very low. Jim was not able to receive the full dose of chemo but Jim was able to receive a half-dose.

Jim is still very nauseous. Jim is still very fatigued. Jim is still very weak. All of this was to be expected from the cancer and from the chemo treatments. 

50th Birthday...

I guess ignoring my birthday this year was just not going to happen. I went with the theory ‘if you can't beat them, join them’. My birthday started off very nicely. My husband, Jim, baked me a chocolate cake. Jim and the kids iced and decorated the cake, too.

Since it was my birthday I took mini-cupcakes to work for the 60+ kids in grade two that I work with. I thought this would be the end of my birthday at school. I was wrong! I was so surprised to find out that the three grade 2 teachers had baked me a cake to share with all the school employees. They had put up posters on their classroom doors announcing my birthday. These same three teachers took time out of their busy day to sing Happy Birthday to me. They also gave me a lovely gift. They wore black in my honor. They had a coworker create a big 50 hat for me to wear all day. The kids all loved the 50-hat that I was “required” to wear all day. As I entered each classroom, the children stopped working and sang happy birthday to me. I was so touched by the joy that was shared with me. Second graders love birthdays, so when they told me happy birthday I could see that they really meant it with the all their hearts. Many of the kids were amazed at the age 50, which made me laugh inside. They had a hard time grasping the concept of 50 birthdays, since they have only had eight so far.

My son and daughter-in-law sent a lovely bouquet of flowers. My daughter called me first thing this morning. She had already sent me a cute weekend bag that she had created herself. My step-daughter sent me a cute video of the triplets telling me happy birthday from all of them. We topped off the day by going out to dinner with friends.

Being 50 isn't so bad.

No garden...

This year I had wanted to put in a small garden with some basic vegetables like tomatoes, green/yellow/red peppers, green beans, and some herbs. I have recently enjoyed canning foods and dehydrating foods and I had looked forward to an abundance of these vegetables. I had considered a few basic flowers as well like pansy and marigolds. But in the end, I decided to put in no garden at all. 

I decided that I would not have the time or energy to properly care for a garden. It bothers me to have a weed-patch because I don’t take the time to weed it. It bothers me to have produce go to waste because I don't have the time to pick it. It bothers me to see my garden wilt away in the Kansas heat because I don't have the energy to water it. I would be saddened to look at the garden every day. I would feel very guilty for not giving the garden the time and effort that it needed. Instead of a vegetable garden bringing me joy, it would bring me heartache. So I have decided there will be no garden for me this year.

Both my time and my energy will be very limited this summer.  With Jim’s cancer and cancer treatment side effects, and my children’s summer schedules, and I may have to find a summer job, I felt that a garden this year would be too much for me. I decided that I would plant nothing this year and take gardening, watering, and weeding, completely off of my plate.

There have been several things that I have had to remove completely off my plate; and now I will add gardening to that list. There will be a few more things that I will have to make a decision about in the very near future. I just feel that in order for me to maintain some form of sanity, I have had to make some personal decisions about what things will be given my time and my energy. Sure, I'm a bit down about this but on the other hand I am pleased that I am able to make the choices that will help me to deal with my present situation. The more items that I can take off my plate, the more focused my time and energy will be. 

Oncology update...

Today my husband Jim had a scheduled appointment with his oncologist for Jim's lung cancer. The doctor has decided to postpone Jim’s radiation treatments until after cycle 4 of Jim’s chemotherapy treatments, instead of after cycle 2 as originally planned. Jim is currently in cycle 2. Jim is too nauseous and too fatigued to do the radiation treatments and the chemo treatments simultaneously (after cycle 2) as we had hoped. Doing these two treatments simultaneously would increase the side effects of both the chemo and radiation, which would be very difficult to manage. So, the new plan is to evaluate a course of radiation treatments after Jim’s fourth cycle of chemotherapy.

from google images

On Monday 22Apr2013 Jim will have a repeat echocardiogram as a follow up to the one he had in Mar2013. Jim will also have a CT scan done as soon as possible to pinpoint the degree of margin that the cancer had spread. As previously stated here, Jim’s cancer is in the pericardium (sac) surrounding the heart, as well as the left superior pulmonary vein. The CT scan should display the cancer and give the doctors a new baseline to measure the results of the chemotherapy.

A PET scan is more detailed than a CT scan, but Jim cannot have another PET scan for a few more months because of his pneumonectomy. The pneumonectomy surgery that Jim had in February will cause false positive and negative results, so it is better to wait until complete healing has occurred so that true results can be seen and measured.

Jim’s fatigue is increasing daily now. Jim’s nausea is also increasing daily. As of right now, Jim is able to manage these symptoms; but management will become more and more difficult as time goes on. We will simply deal with each day as it comes.

Jim continues to have a good attitude. Jim continues to display his humor. Jim is dealing with his cancer in a positive light. Jim is courageous and faces the daily challenges. I try to do the same, but sometimes I am not as successful as Jim.

Our two kids at home are doing well. Our special needs daughter does not understand she simply knows that dad is sick. Our 11 year old is handling it well. He has stepped up and taken on more responsibility at home, as well as more babysitting of his older sister. Three of the four adult children have been very supportive and we appreciate their words, calls and kind gestures.

Our specific requests today are: that Jim’s white blood cells will fall within the acceptable range; that Jim’s side effects will continue to be manageable; and that there are no surprises on the CT scan or echocardiogram.

Catching up...

It has been unseasonably chilly here in Kansas this mid-April 2013. I am ready for spring to arrive with some new flowers, green grass, and new leaves on the trees. I am ready for a fresh start and a fresh outlook.

from google images

My husband Jim had his first three days of treatment in this second cycle of chemotherapy for his lung cancer. Jim’s white blood cells continue to be an issue. Jim is very queasy, even while taking his two anti-nausea medicines. Jim is very tired. He takes several naps to try and deal with the fatigue. Jim continues to have a good attitude and good spirits because it is what it is.

My new job is going well. I really enjoy working with children again. I love the cooperative spirit at the school with everyone on the same team and no drama. It makes going to work more like a hobby than a job because it is such an enjoyable experience. I love the “light bulb” moment when a child understands the new task. I have been there to witness their joy and pride at mastering a new skill.

My family will continue to play the cards that are dealt to us as we move forward in this journey. 

Cycle Two, C2d1...

Today is C2d1, Cycle two day one. Jim will have 4-6 cycles of chemotherapy for his lung cancer. Each cycle is 28 days. 

Jim’s white blood cell count is still low, but he was able to receive a full dose of both chemo medicines today. This full dose treatment was a blessing because at the previous two treatments Jim was only able to receive half dose. Jim will have two more treatments this week, then one per week for three weeks. I am very pleased that Jim was able to maintain his treatment schedule.

Today Jim is feeling pretty queasy. He has already had to take one nap today after he arrived back home from his chemo treatment. The nausea and the fatigue are very real issues. Jim has trouble with day-to-day events due to the fatigue and nausea. Jim has not yet lost his hair. I am surprised that Jim still has his hair because the doctor had stated that hair loss was to be expected. Perhaps that is yet to come.

At the end of this second cycle, the doctors should reevaluate Jim to assess his radiation plan. They plan to have Jim do simultaneous treatments. This may be difficult. We will have to wait and see.

I will be glad when the doctors will be able to tell us that Jim’s cancer is in remission… that will be a glorious day, and I am looking forward to it. 

Another month...

Image from Google Images

As any family dealing with a medical crisis, our family is doing our best to meet our financial needs and financial obligations. I am happy to say that we have successfully made it through another month. For us, this is worth sharing because it has been a challenge at times.

In February we completely drained our savings account to pay medical bills. In March we received financial help from friends and we used the gift to pay down more medical bills. This month we received our income tax refund and again used it to pay down medical our obligations.

About three years ago, and before Jim’s cancer crisis, I had put our family on a “financial diet” to try to pay off all of our debts because I dislike paying interest. That plan has been indefinitely put on hold. No extra payments are being made on any of our debts; instead we are focusing on our minimum payments so that we can try and pay all of our medical bills. I am doing whatever it takes to keep Jim’s treatments going and to stay even with all of our obligations. 

My job pays near minimum wage, but it is steady income and more importantly I truly love the job. Jim is receiving another month of short-term disability at 60% of his previous gross, but we have 100% of the bills in addition to the added medical expenses and all that goes along with that. Jim has to re-qualify for short term disability every 30 days, so we never know from month to month if we'll have enough money or not. Jim will not be able to return to work for quite some time. We have to step out on faith and pray that the disability is approved each month; as well as make up the 40% shortfall. That is so very stressful to us both. 

Our biggest budget adjustments have been: gasoline, groceries, and co-pays. Gasoline to get to all of the various appointments that Jim must attend. Pre-cancer we hardly drove the car anywhere at all but now we are attending many medical appointments per week. Groceries so that Jim can eat healthier. We have always eaten a balanced diet but now we must greatly increase the fresh vegetables and fruits to help Jim's body fight the cancer. Co-pays are $35 for every single appointment, chemo treatment, consultation, lab work, x-rays, etc. I quickly learned that co-pays and deductibles are not the same. Our co-pays are in addition to our deductible (20% of the bill); and in addition to the over-the-counter meds and vitamins that are not covered at all. 

Please keep in mind that I'm not complaining, just stating that ‘it is what it is’ and financial issues are part of the picture. We are happy that we are still maintaining this month. We are proud of the fact that we have met this challenge again this month. 

Visitor...

*This entry is not in chronological order.* 

Last week (April 1-4, 2013) we were blessed to have my husband Jim’s daughter Jessica visit us. Unfortunately, her two year old triplets could not visit because of Jim’s weakened immune system. Our son-in-law stayed home to care for the children. Jessica’s dear friend also assisted in childcare. I am thankful that they could work it out so that Jessica could come and visit.

Jessica was able to stay a few days. We really enjoyed having her here. Jim especially had a good time visiting and catching up with Jessica. Jessica has been a wonderful support for Jim, and for me. She is kind, loving, wise, and a friend. It has been a joy to watch her mature into a wife, loving mother, skilled nurse, and true friend to many. 

I wish we could get together more often. Iowa is close, but sometimes it seems very far away from Kansas. As soon as Jim is in remission from his lung cancer, we plan to visit Iowa more often. 

My life...

I am going through some personal struggles right now. My emotional health is besieged. I am overwhelmed. I am very sad, and very depressed. I am hurting.  I need clarity and focus. 

White blood cells...

For the last two chemo sessions in a row, my husband Jim’s white blood cell count has been low. Those two sessions (C1d15, C1d22) Jim only received a half dose of his chemo. This is a concern for us on two levels. First, his WBC count is very low and his immune system is very weak putting him at risk for infections that he cannot fight. Second, his chemo plan may fall behind on his schedule which could delay the radiation evaluations, putting him at risk for cancer spread. 

On an up note, Jim’s red cell count was within range. Jim has been able to manage his nausea. Jim is tired but seems to be managing his fatigue with frequent naps and resting times. 

Please pray for Jim’s WBC count to rise to an acceptable range. Please pray that Jim will not be exposed to any negative germs. 

Support group...

Jim and I attended our first cancer support group meeting in a town near us, Newton, Kansas. This support group is a branch from the Victory in the Valley organization in Wichita, Ks. The group that we have joined is just starting out. This was their second meeting. It was a small group, but has potential to grow. This is an “open” group, meaning for patients, caregivers, friends, relatives; some groups are closed, patients only. The group discussed potential speakers and inquired as to what the group would like to do. They were friendly and personable. I think we will enjoy this group. We plan to return next month. 

Chemo...

Jim did well, did poorly, did well again. 

Last week after the initial three days of chemo, Jim had a difficult time with nausea. He didn't start vomiting, but he really struggled with the queasiness. Later, Jim felt better again. He was still not at his starting point, but better than the previous few days. We knew the sickness would come, but we still wished that it did not. 

On Monday 25Mar13 (C1d8), Jim had another treatment. Jim felt a tad better than he had on the day before. Jim's current chemo plan is that Jim will have chemo treatments on cycle days 1, 2, 3, 8, 15, 22. 

Jim continues to struggle with chronic extreme fatigue. I have never witnessed this much fatigue in Jim before the cancer. Jim continues to struggle with the symptoms from the chemotherapy. Jim also struggles with thoracic syndrome. 

App for that...

I often hear myself say ‘there’s an app for that!’ So I decided to check and see if there was something I could use on my iPhone relating to my husband Jim’s cancer treatments. And yes, there it was! It is called Chemo Calendar. It tracks various details of the chemo treatments. I do wish it had a place for blood pressure stats, but since it doesn’t I add that information under “notes.” If you are dealing with chemotherapy you may want to check out this app for your phone. Best of all, it is FREE! 

It begins, C1d1...

The chemo begins. My husband, Jim, began his first day of cycle one of his chemotherapy. It is abbreviated as C1d1. Jim had treatments on day1, day2, and day3. Day 1 was nearly seven hours of treatment; day 2 was four hours; day 3 was five hours. Jim did very well on all three days. Jim had a good, positive attitude. Nausea was under control. Jim felt good physically, Jim had energy, and Jim felt strong. Jim continued becoming friends with the nurses, and some of the patients. It was amazing that there were no side effects. We were both very pleasantly surprised by no side effects.

Jim’s “Power Port” worked beautifully. The nurses used a special needle that went through Jim’s skin and into the port. They lightly secured this needle with tape to ensure that he didn't bump the needle. There were no multiple pokes to find a vein. There was no tenderness at the entry sight. Jim could not feel the medicine as it entered his body. They were able to deliver the meds at a slightly faster pace because of the port; which meant less time in “the chair.” I was glad that Jim had the port because we witnessed others in the room that struggled with finding a good vein. Those patients had severe bruising up and down their hands and arms. Jim had no pain, and no bruising.

Jim's chemo session on C1d2. 

The side effects begin. Beginning on day 4, Jim began to feel some side effects of the chemo. Jim became nauseated. His physical stamina was decreased. Jim’s positive attitude took a hit because he (and I) had thought perhaps he would avoid the nausea. Jim is not terribly sick, yet, but I’m sure that is to come. Jim’s weight is maintained. Jim has had no signs of hair loss. Both Jim and I understand that Jim will get worse before he gets better, but the reality of this statement is beginning to hit home. 

Day 30...

After my husband Jim had his pneumonectomy on 12Feb2013 for lung cancer, the doctor told me that Jim would have three major goals; to survive 24 hours, 10 days, and 30 days. Since Jim’s lung cancer had encroached upon his heart and into his superior pulmonary vein, the risks became much higher than the standard pneumonectomy. All of the “normal” pneumonectomy stats had changed for Jim because of the area of encroachment. 

The first 24 hours were some of the most stress filled hours of my life; but he made it. Jim had some setbacks during the first 10 days; but he made it. Jim had some issues on day 23 that put him back into the hospital; but he made it. I was so glad to check day 30 off on the calendar on 14Mar13. I was so grateful that "Day 30" was the best day ever. Luckily, I don’t fear Ides of March.

Before Jim’s surgery Jim had felt so sick and so miserable, all the time. Jim was physically and emotionally drained. After Jim’s surgery Jim was healing and recuperating. Jim had lots of pain issues and of course health issues, so Jim did not feel anywhere near his best. But on March 14, Day 30, Jim had his best day in eons. Jim physically felt better than he had felt in a very long time. Jim felt emotionally better and more relaxed than he had felt in ages. The weather here in Kansas was exceptionally nice on Day 30, 76° with very little wind. Jim was able to be outside. Jim was able to visit with several friends and neighbors. Jim was able to enjoy the sun. Jim had more energy and stamina than he had experienced in so very long. Jim’s mind and body were no longer working against him. It was so nice to witness Jim having such a wonderful day. I will remember Day 30, always.

Friday, March 15 was equally as nice. Again Kansas had beautiful weather, and unusually warm 80° with low winds. Once again Jim relished the great outdoors. Jim and I loved sitting outside and having coffee in the morning. We visited. We listened to the birds. We watched the sun rise. We were at peace with the world. Jim spent the day doing his favorite thing, visiting with several friends and neighbors.

On Friday evening Jim and I went out to dinner with dear friends. We enjoyed visiting and sharing a meal together. Even though the service at the restaurant was not up to par, the conversation and unwinding with friends was great. The four of us topped off the evening with ice cream treats at a local ice cream store.

Those two days were the best days so far. Every day with Jim, both good and bad, are bonus days. I anticipate many more good days. I look forward to the time when I am unable to count the good days because there will be so many. I know that the chemotherapy road ahead will soon be very challenging; but I also know that there will come a time when I will see Jim have a new, even greater, “best day ever”. 

New job...

The job that I applied for recently has come through. There were so many qualified candidates that I was pleasantly surprised that I was selected. After being a stay at home mom for over 15 years, I am now a working mom again. I am proud that Jim and I are meeting our own financial needs.

Right now I am feeling bitter-sweet. I am proud that I was chosen for the job, but I am saddened that I will be returning to the workforce. I am glad that I can provide for the family, but disappointed that it pays so little. I am happy that the job is part time, but wish that the job had some benefits that only come with the full time position. I will no longer be available for our special needs daughter because I am working, but I hope that Jim can take the call if there is an emergency. All my mornings will now be committed, but my afternoons will allow me to be available for Jim’s appointments. 

I know I will love the job… once I get over the guilt.

The Plan...

My husband Jim met with his oncologist. Jim now has a chemotherapy plan in place. The doctor stated that Jim’s treatments will be “harsh and aggressive”. Jim will most likely lose his hair. Jim will most likely display severe symptoms from the chemo sessions.

Jim’s first appointments are Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday’s appointment will take over 7.5 hours. The nurse said “pack a lunch!” I’m glad the nurses seem humorous. Jim will enjoy that. Jim will have at least four cycles. Each cycle is 28 days, with some days treatment and some days off. It may extend to six cycles, but that will be determined later. Jim will also, most likely, have radiation. The amount and location of the radiation will be determined later.

Jim is feeling like he wants this all behind him. He really isn't scared; perhaps cautious is a better word. He wonders about all the unknowns in the equation. He isn't too upset about the hair loss because it is what it is.

I am ready to get the ball rolling. I am ready for Jim to heal. I am ready to get the cancer out of him so that we can get back to our ‘normal’ selves. I know that the road will be long, and difficult. I know we will face multiple challenges. I know we will have problematic situations. I also know that we will get through this, together. 

We desire your prayers, good wishes and encouraging words. 

Good news...

Today I am writing about some good news. Yesterday, my husband Jim had his power port implanted into his chest. The tubing goes directly into his superior vena cava vein. This will make Jim’s chemo sessions much easier for him. The device is small and completely contained. This titanium power port will stay implanted for many years. In the photo below you can see the small incision where the port was implanted. The upper photo is an Internet image of the device before installation. The lower photo is Jim’s actual chest x-ray just after the procedure. Here is the link for more information about Jim’s Power Port.

Yesterday Jim also had a colonoscopy to rule-out cancer in the colon. The results were good; no cancer was found in the colon. This news made me very happy.

Today Jim and I, along with my Uncle and Aunt, went to visit “Victory in the Valley”, a cancer support organization in Wichita, Kansas. *My Uncle is also dealing with cancer. We were very pleased with what we learned about this organization. VV is privately funded; no funds from United Way! Jim and I plan to utilize one of their support groups.  They also provided Jim and my Uncle with a goody bag of supplies to assist them in dealing with cancer.

I will enjoy learning more about this organization. I read in the brochure that they also have a quilting group. I think I might want to give the quilting group a try. I think I would like to volunteer at VV after Jim is more stable.  If you would like more information about VV, here is their link. You may show support for VV by liking their facebook page.  FYI, the home in the background belongs to Kirstie Alley. 

Waiting room...

I am getting pretty efficient at waiting. Since my husband Jim's lung cancer diagnoses I have spent a lot of time waiting; waiting at doctor appointments, waiting at surgery, waiting at hospitals, waiting for phone calls, waiting on results, waiting for Jim, lots and lots of waiting. I spend lots of time thinking, time praying, time reading, and time sewing.

I am working on a hexagon quilt for Jim. I have been able to work on this project quite a bit recently. I'm glad that I have something to fill the time, but saddened that Jim has so many appointments. The quilt is hand-stitched so it is easy to start and stop at anytime. I think Jim will like it. I hope he will appreciate it.

Today I am waiting yet again. Jim is having his "powerport" implanted today so that he can start his chemo soon. This port is state of the art, titanium, and will be very beneficial during his chemotherapy treatments.

So, once again I will pick up the needle and sew.

Hospital ER visit...

Jim, Thursday 07Mar13

My husband, Jim, has had another temporary setback. We went to see one of Jim’s doctors on Thursday. The doctor was concerned with Jim’s symptoms that day and thought Jim could be having a blood clot issue. The doctor ordered further tests; but the results were inconclusive. They sent Jim home to wait for a phone call regarding an appointment with the surgeon to confirm the questionable results.

Jim, Thursday, 07Mar13

While Jim was waiting at home, his pain greatly intensified to the point that we called the doctor. We were instructed to go to the hospital emergency room. The hospital admitted Jim overnight. Jim began to feel better as Thursday evening went along. 

On Friday morning Jim felt pretty good and we were gearing up for the discharge from the hospital. Then, after lunch on Friday, Jim took a turn for the worse and his pain intensified yet again. After consulting a doctor and Jim’s surgeon, Jim decided to remain in the hospital on Friday night as well. 

At this point I am unsure what Saturday will hold. I hope Jim begins to feel better soon so that he can continue his recovery at home. Jim has two pending appointments on Monday to install his ‘port’, and a colonoscopy. It is very important that Jim be able to complete these two appointments so that he can move forward on his recovery plan without further delay.

Edit: Jim was released on Saturday. Jim is on target for his procedures on Monday. 

Today's dilemma...

Sometimes choices can be so difficult to make. Here is today’s dilemma. Jim suddenly had to have an unscheduled echo cardiogram done in a nearby town… at the very same time as my job interview today. What to do?

This test was important enough that the doctor wanted this test immediately, today and not tomorrow. But it wasn't important enough that they waited three days after a previous test to read the results. The test was important enough that the doctor verbally expressed concern, but not important enough to send him to the emergency room. The test was important enough that the doctor ordered the test “stat”, but not important enough that it was scheduled four hours later at 2:30p.

Meanwhile, I have a scheduled interview in our town today at 3:00p. Yesterday afternoon I had felt confident about this position and this interview. But yesterday evening I found out that there are many more qualified applicants for the same position. Had today’s dilemma happened yesterday I might have called and asked to be rescheduled for this interview, but today I am far less confident and I do not want to send a signal that I will be cancelling things at the last minute. Part of me wants to go to the interview to see if I stand a chance, and part of me wants to just skip the interview since I most likely won’t get this position anyway.

I feel like I need to be with Jim, to show him my support and my love. I feel like I need to be at the interview, so I can take care of my family in the long run. Part of me thinks Jim will be just fine and I can attend the interview with no guilt. Part of me thinks that Jim needs my emotional support for what could be a new crisis and to skip the interview and let the position go to another candidate. I truly believe that my place is with Jim, which is “my job.” I truly believe that my new job is to be the breadwinner so that Jim will not feel pressured to return to work and pay the bills.

I have decided that I will have to go to the interview. This will send a signal to Jim that I believe he will be fine; and to send a signal to Jim that I can take care of the financial things at home so he can focus on healing.  So there you have it. I will drop Jim off at his appointment, drive back to my town for the interview, drive back to pick up Jim, drive back to our home. I hope this works. 

Interview AND thankful…

I haven’t worked since we've had our daughter Kristen. She is special needs and has many medical, behavioral, and mental challenges. I have to be readily available at a moment’s notice to care for her in case of an emergency. But, now that we are facing Jim’s cancer, things are changing. I have a job interview tomorrow. I have not worked outside the home in over 15 years. 

We have had many financial increases lately. The bottom dropped out of our world (emotionally and financially) with Jim’s lung cancer diagnosis. Jim’s last day of work was January 24th, 2013. We are a payday-to-payday type of family…  and now our one income family went to a no-income family. Jim will receive short term disability (soon I hope) at 60% of his gross pay, but no payments have been received by him as of this blog date. We are blessed that we will have 60% of his income, but we will still have 100% of the bills, and right now we have 0%income. We had a small savings account, but that was emptied last week to cover Jim’s medical deductibles to date, and to cover our monthly expenses. We learned very quickly that co-pay’s ($35 per appointment) do not go towards deductibles. Jim has six appointments this week, which comes to $210 in co-pays alone, plus deductible. Another item that I had not budgeted for was additional fuel for the car. Normally I do not travel much but now we have several trips to the doctors and to various appointments. My gasoline fuel budget has tripled. As of today, we are still current on our bills, but now we have no savings account to fall back on, and no income. That can be scary sometimes. So, that is why I am applying for a job.

My classmates surprised me by providing meals for us during and after Jim’s pneumonectomy hospital stay. That saved us so much time, stress, and grocery money. That was such a blessing to us, a need that I did not even realize that I needed.

Please keep in mind that I am not complaining. I’m just writing about the unforeseen financial challenge that we will have to face. We are a proud family and we want to cover our own expenses without going on public assistance. We do not want to ask for help. So that simply means that I need to find a job since Jim cannot work. 

I am applying for a part-time, morning shift job, so that I will still be available to drive Jim to his many appointments. This job will allow me to get the kids off to school, and to be home when they return, while allowing me to transport Jim to his appointments. The job is only minimum wage, but considering the time constraints that I have to work around,minimum wage is something that I will just have to accept. I know that it will be a job that I will love, so that is a blessing. Maybe I should have finished my bachelor’s degree, lol.

I know that there will be many unforeseen challenges along this cancer journey, and this is simply a blog post about one of those challenges. I will have to step out on faith and ‘play the cards that are dealt to us’… because ‘it is what it is’. I think I have those two phrases drilled into my head. Wish me luck! 

Edit: I wrote this blog at 7am. At 2pm we received a wonderful surprise, financial help from my dear friends and classmates! Yea for stepping out on faith! Happy tears and grateful tears were shed. We just need to say a huge thank you for the financial assistance that was given to us at the exact moment that we really needed it. We were blown-away by the kindness and generosity that has been shown to us. We really appreciate it very much, more that you will ever know. I don't know how they pulled it off without me finding out, but they certainly did! 

You all mean so very much to me, and to Jim, and to our family. Thank you.