Still struggling...

I am still struggling with keeping up on the blog. Summer has taken a toll on us; financial, physical, time, strength, courage, energy, and I could go on and on. I pledge again to try and do better with the blog. 

Jim's chemo treatment for his lung cancer was not deemed successful. Jim is now utilizing radiation and a new chemo, simultaneously. This new regime is taking a toll on Jim. He is extremely fatigued, weak, tired, low energy; all of those types of terms. 

Jim continues to have a positive attitude and sense of humor. I continue to try and support him and our family. 

The CONSTANT battle with the insurance company has been a huge source of stress and frustration. We have no income for July and August, thanks a lot BCBS and Cigna. We'll make it but it is so stressful sometimes wondering how we'll make it! 

I am thankful for my friends, and for Jim's friends. Their continued love and support means more than they will ever know. I need to give a special shout out to D. D's unwavering support means the world to us.

50th Birthday...

I guess ignoring my birthday this year was just not going to happen. I went with the theory ‘if you can't beat them, join them’. My birthday started off very nicely. My husband, Jim, baked me a chocolate cake. Jim and the kids iced and decorated the cake, too.

Since it was my birthday I took mini-cupcakes to work for the 60+ kids in grade two that I work with. I thought this would be the end of my birthday at school. I was wrong! I was so surprised to find out that the three grade 2 teachers had baked me a cake to share with all the school employees. They had put up posters on their classroom doors announcing my birthday. These same three teachers took time out of their busy day to sing Happy Birthday to me. They also gave me a lovely gift. They wore black in my honor. They had a coworker create a big 50 hat for me to wear all day. The kids all loved the 50-hat that I was “required” to wear all day. As I entered each classroom, the children stopped working and sang happy birthday to me. I was so touched by the joy that was shared with me. Second graders love birthdays, so when they told me happy birthday I could see that they really meant it with the all their hearts. Many of the kids were amazed at the age 50, which made me laugh inside. They had a hard time grasping the concept of 50 birthdays, since they have only had eight so far.

My son and daughter-in-law sent a lovely bouquet of flowers. My daughter called me first thing this morning. She had already sent me a cute weekend bag that she had created herself. My step-daughter sent me a cute video of the triplets telling me happy birthday from all of them. We topped off the day by going out to dinner with friends.

Being 50 isn't so bad.

Day 30...

After my husband Jim had his pneumonectomy on 12Feb2013 for lung cancer, the doctor told me that Jim would have three major goals; to survive 24 hours, 10 days, and 30 days. Since Jim’s lung cancer had encroached upon his heart and into his superior pulmonary vein, the risks became much higher than the standard pneumonectomy. All of the “normal” pneumonectomy stats had changed for Jim because of the area of encroachment. 

The first 24 hours were some of the most stress filled hours of my life; but he made it. Jim had some setbacks during the first 10 days; but he made it. Jim had some issues on day 23 that put him back into the hospital; but he made it. I was so glad to check day 30 off on the calendar on 14Mar13. I was so grateful that "Day 30" was the best day ever. Luckily, I don’t fear Ides of March.

Before Jim’s surgery Jim had felt so sick and so miserable, all the time. Jim was physically and emotionally drained. After Jim’s surgery Jim was healing and recuperating. Jim had lots of pain issues and of course health issues, so Jim did not feel anywhere near his best. But on March 14, Day 30, Jim had his best day in eons. Jim physically felt better than he had felt in a very long time. Jim felt emotionally better and more relaxed than he had felt in ages. The weather here in Kansas was exceptionally nice on Day 30, 76° with very little wind. Jim was able to be outside. Jim was able to visit with several friends and neighbors. Jim was able to enjoy the sun. Jim had more energy and stamina than he had experienced in so very long. Jim’s mind and body were no longer working against him. It was so nice to witness Jim having such a wonderful day. I will remember Day 30, always.

Friday, March 15 was equally as nice. Again Kansas had beautiful weather, and unusually warm 80° with low winds. Once again Jim relished the great outdoors. Jim and I loved sitting outside and having coffee in the morning. We visited. We listened to the birds. We watched the sun rise. We were at peace with the world. Jim spent the day doing his favorite thing, visiting with several friends and neighbors.

On Friday evening Jim and I went out to dinner with dear friends. We enjoyed visiting and sharing a meal together. Even though the service at the restaurant was not up to par, the conversation and unwinding with friends was great. The four of us topped off the evening with ice cream treats at a local ice cream store.

Those two days were the best days so far. Every day with Jim, both good and bad, are bonus days. I anticipate many more good days. I look forward to the time when I am unable to count the good days because there will be so many. I know that the chemotherapy road ahead will soon be very challenging; but I also know that there will come a time when I will see Jim have a new, even greater, “best day ever”.