Oncologist tomorrow...

We were told six weeks ago that Jim's NSCLC Lung Cancer had returned. Last week Jim had a CT and a PET scan. Tomorrow my husband Jim should receive the results of these two tests. These test results should determine the rate of growth of the new cancer spots. The PET scan should also tell us if the cancer has spread to any other parts of his body. The ROG and location will help determine what options are available to Jim.

I do not know what the news will be. I am nervous, and a bit scared. I am fearful that it will be bad results. I know that there is nothing that I can do but wait and worry. I think that I will feel more comfortable once I hear the outcome, good or bad. After we hear the conclusions, Jim and I can make a plan. No matter the results, the waiting often seems worse. It has been a very long six weeks. At least when I have a plan, I will feel like I am doing something.

Cancer has returned...

22Jan14: One year ago, on 22Jan13, I announced on FaceBook that Jim had cancer. Exactly one year later, I was on FaceBook once again to let friends and family know that my husband Jim’s cancer had returned.

Jim had a doctor appointment 22Jan13 and we did not receive the news we had hoped for. Jim’s bone scan was good, as expected. The CT scan showed nothing new in the brain, which is great news. The CT scan showed the previous 6mm mass in the lower right lobe is stable, unchanged, which is good because it has not changed. But, the CT scan did show a new 5mm abnormal mass in the middle lobe of the right lung. This is not good news.

The plan is to repeat the CT scan and blood work in six weeks to see the rate of change. There will also be a PET scan in six weeks because the PET will give more detailed information regarding the status of the 5mm mass in the middle lobe, and search for any other new cancers. Jim and I will meet with the oncologist after these tests to review the results and make a plan.

Jim’s attitude and spirits are both good. Of course, we are still processing the information. I’m sure we will have ups and downs. We are thankful for the good news that we received today. We will accept the bad news and deal with it head on as we explore our options. We still move forward with the phrases “it is what it is” and we will “play the cards that are dealt to us”.

We are thankful for our friends and family that has stood with us through this journey. Your love and support are very important to us.

We are thankful for those of you that follow us and give us moral support, your LIKES and words mean the world to us. This journey has been manageable because of the encouragement we have received from you.

Thank you, you know who you are… and we know who you are not. Yes, sadly, we know who who made their choice not there for Jim. 

Today is a new day...

Last night I received a call from Jim that he had trouble breathing and he had to get medical support. I was so scared. I was at home with the kids. I can't drive at night. I had been awake for 41 hours so I could barely function. It broke my heart that I could not go to him. I worried about him all night, but I am so glad that he called me to let me know. Even though I worry, even though I lost sleep, I am glad that Jim called me to let me know.

It was a rough night for my husband Jim last night, but he is doing better this morning. As a friend told me, Jim's path to healing won't be straight; two steps forward, one step back. We'll just have to see what this day holds.

Today Jim is struggling some with his breathing. The aches and pains from his surgery are beginning to effect him more. But, Jim began to breathe better and his spirits were lifted this morning.

Jim made me a Valentine's Day card! I was so surprised! I was so touched that in the midst of Jim's own crisis, Jim was thinking of me. I will treasure that card always.

Jim started his day with a walk. He is gaining strength each day. After lunch he had yet another walk, two laps this time! Later, a third walk. Go Jim! His drive and determination is a wonderful thing.

He has been able to eat some, but of course he doesn't have his previous appetite. I think his eating will improve with time.

His spirits are good. As a friend said, I'm glad they did not remove his funny bone!

So, although today started out difficult, Jim finished his day with flying colors. Jim was moved out of ICU and into a regular room today, Valentine's Day. Most of the hoses, tubes, leads and such have been removed. Jim is looking great! I cannot wait for Jim to return home. I'm in awe of Jim's success. Here's a photo of Jim just after he was moved into his new room. 

Alone...

Well, today we received some news. They had thought that my husband, Jim, had pneumonia for the last several weeks. But it turns out he does not. There is an unexplained mass on his left lung. One of the bronchial tubes has become blocked but they do not know why.

The doctor has scheduled an exploration into Jim’s lung on Thursday (17Jan2013). They will try to look at the blockage, and take some sample tissue for testing. The best case scenario is some type of infection that can be treated and will go away. The second scenario is that it is some kind of growth or tumor. They would then evaluate the next step. The third scenario is that it is some type of cancer. No plan of action for this worst case option was discussed at today’s appointment.

Although Jim is a non-smoker for 25 years now, the doctor stated that sometimes non-smokers can develop this cancer anyway. Jim has also been exposed (in addition to his own smoking for 10 years) to second hand smoke from his parent when he was a child, and from his ex-wife while they were married. How frustrating that secondhand smoke can so easily be avoided, yet people selfishly expose others to their dangerous habits. The doctor spent a lot of time talking about secondhand smoke. 

We have to deal with how and when to tell the children; not only our younger children at home, but our adult children as well. Jim’s elder daughter has not talked to Jim in nearly two years because of her own created issues. Jim wished he could have a relationship with her, but she refuses to take ownership of her own choices. Jim’s second daughter is very close with Jim, but Jim shouldn't come between the sisters. Jim’s step-son and step-daughter (my kids) are very supportive of Jim. Jim hasn't spoken to his own siblings or mother in nearly five years. They had a huge falling out and Jim was devastated by their betrayal to him. I have very little family, and my kids and I are rarely on even ground with them. Most of my extended family have issues of their own that they are dealing with. I do have a cousin that I often rely on, but she is already providing a lot of emotional support to others right now.

I am not sure how I am feeling right now. I’m a bit scared. I’m worried. I’m confused. I’m a bit overwhelmed. I don’t like seeing other people have to go through medical procedures and the physical and mental stress that goes with those procedures. I’m concerned for Jim, of course. He must be reeling from all the information that was just thrown at him (us). Jim is not really the “sharing” type of guy, so he has not expressed his concerns to me yet.

I often reach out to my Facebook friends when I am worried and concerned. My Facebook friends are my system of support. Jim has asked me not to post on Facebook yet because he doesn't want certain people to find out that he may be sick. Jim does not like fake concern from people that normally would not give a hoot about him. So here I sit at my keyboard… wondering if I should post this blog or not. If you are one of my (or Jim’s) Facebook friends, please do not publicly share this information on Facebook. Please do not share this blog with people you know Jim would not want to know. 

I guess for me, the emotion that I feel the most right now is… alone. I feel very alone.