On my feet...

Finally, I am back on my financial feet again. It was a long and difficult summer, financially speaking. My husband Jim only received 50% of his June short-term disability check, due to calendar dates. Then his payments switched from short-term disability to long-term disability. I soon found out that Jim’s short-term paid at the front end of the month, and long-term paid at the end of the month. Jim had no disability check at all for July, or for August. I only work during the school year, so I had no income at all during the summer. I had to manage the entire summer on half of one month’s payment. I went the entire summer on a wing and a prayer, on credit cards, and on the kindness of others. Jim had already emptied his entire savings account and I had nothing left to fall back on. It was scary. It was humbling. It was hard.

It was a difficult time for me, financially speaking. It was also a difficult time for me, emotionally speaking. It was difficult to tell my son that he could not participate in various activities. My daughter did not participate in any extra activities. We were unable to go visit adult children. It was difficult to do activities with my family that required money. It was difficult to ask for help. 

I am now happy to say that this month I am back on track. I was able to meet our financial obligations once again. I had to tell my son that he could not participate in football this year, but sports are a luxury that I cannot justify right now. There is no savings account yet and there are no extra funds, but our obligations/bills are paid. 

I am thankful to friends that have helped us along the way. I have received gifts from gardens, gifts from kitchens, gifts of money, gifts of clothing, gifts of school supplies, gifts of camping, and gifts of time. I will one day to pay it forward. 

Still struggling...

I am still struggling with keeping up on the blog. Summer has taken a toll on us; financial, physical, time, strength, courage, energy, and I could go on and on. I pledge again to try and do better with the blog. 

Jim's chemo treatment for his lung cancer was not deemed successful. Jim is now utilizing radiation and a new chemo, simultaneously. This new regime is taking a toll on Jim. He is extremely fatigued, weak, tired, low energy; all of those types of terms. 

Jim continues to have a positive attitude and sense of humor. I continue to try and support him and our family. 

The CONSTANT battle with the insurance company has been a huge source of stress and frustration. We have no income for July and August, thanks a lot BCBS and Cigna. We'll make it but it is so stressful sometimes wondering how we'll make it! 

I am thankful for my friends, and for Jim's friends. Their continued love and support means more than they will ever know. I need to give a special shout out to D. D's unwavering support means the world to us.

Now what...

Today is a pity-party type of day for me. I had pinned all my hopes on one thing that did not come through for us. Now I have no plan. I am devastated. I'm depressed. I'm worried. I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm lost. I'm teary. I'm emotional. 

Just for clarification, this paragraph does not concern Jim’s heath.

Generosity...

Once again I am left in awe because of the kindness of others. My co-workers (at two schools!) donated money to Jim and I to help with medical expenses. I was so surprised, so thankful, so grateful, and so appreciative of their kindness and generosity. I certainly did not expect it! I was so touched and overwhelmed with their compassion I had to fight back tears just minutes before school was to start because I didn't want the kids at school to think something was wrong. I held it together, barely. I will always wonder if my friends know how much their gesture meant to me. 

Their timing was impeccable. Just yesterday I had expressed concern in my blog about Jim’s low white blood cell count. I didn't blog about the financial aspect, but I also had concern about Jim’s five extra trips to the cancer facility to receive the additional medications. Each trip takes more gasoline money. Each additional doctor visit is another $35 co-pay. My main focus was, and is, Jim’s low WBC counts… but in the back of my mind I was worried about the extra expenses. I knew (or was hopeful) the funds would somehow work out; at least it always seems to work out. Little did I know that 'elves" were at work gathering funds to assist us through this crisis. The amount that we received, $249.00, was the exact amount to cover the five co-pays, plus gasoline, plus Jim’s new prescriptions. It was amazing to me that the exact amount we needed was the exact amount we received. As a friend told me today, God knows. 

They will never know just how deeply I was moved by their kindness. Some of the co-workers I have know for years, some of them I recently met, some of them I do not know at all. And yet, they helped us. Someday I will pay it forward. 

Another month...

Image from Google Images

As any family dealing with a medical crisis, our family is doing our best to meet our financial needs and financial obligations. I am happy to say that we have successfully made it through another month. For us, this is worth sharing because it has been a challenge at times.

In February we completely drained our savings account to pay medical bills. In March we received financial help from friends and we used the gift to pay down more medical bills. This month we received our income tax refund and again used it to pay down medical our obligations.

About three years ago, and before Jim’s cancer crisis, I had put our family on a “financial diet” to try to pay off all of our debts because I dislike paying interest. That plan has been indefinitely put on hold. No extra payments are being made on any of our debts; instead we are focusing on our minimum payments so that we can try and pay all of our medical bills. I am doing whatever it takes to keep Jim’s treatments going and to stay even with all of our obligations. 

My job pays near minimum wage, but it is steady income and more importantly I truly love the job. Jim is receiving another month of short-term disability at 60% of his previous gross, but we have 100% of the bills in addition to the added medical expenses and all that goes along with that. Jim has to re-qualify for short term disability every 30 days, so we never know from month to month if we'll have enough money or not. Jim will not be able to return to work for quite some time. We have to step out on faith and pray that the disability is approved each month; as well as make up the 40% shortfall. That is so very stressful to us both. 

Our biggest budget adjustments have been: gasoline, groceries, and co-pays. Gasoline to get to all of the various appointments that Jim must attend. Pre-cancer we hardly drove the car anywhere at all but now we are attending many medical appointments per week. Groceries so that Jim can eat healthier. We have always eaten a balanced diet but now we must greatly increase the fresh vegetables and fruits to help Jim's body fight the cancer. Co-pays are $35 for every single appointment, chemo treatment, consultation, lab work, x-rays, etc. I quickly learned that co-pays and deductibles are not the same. Our co-pays are in addition to our deductible (20% of the bill); and in addition to the over-the-counter meds and vitamins that are not covered at all. 

Please keep in mind that I'm not complaining, just stating that ‘it is what it is’ and financial issues are part of the picture. We are happy that we are still maintaining this month. We are proud of the fact that we have met this challenge again this month. 

New job...

The job that I applied for recently has come through. There were so many qualified candidates that I was pleasantly surprised that I was selected. After being a stay at home mom for over 15 years, I am now a working mom again. I am proud that Jim and I are meeting our own financial needs.

Right now I am feeling bitter-sweet. I am proud that I was chosen for the job, but I am saddened that I will be returning to the workforce. I am glad that I can provide for the family, but disappointed that it pays so little. I am happy that the job is part time, but wish that the job had some benefits that only come with the full time position. I will no longer be available for our special needs daughter because I am working, but I hope that Jim can take the call if there is an emergency. All my mornings will now be committed, but my afternoons will allow me to be available for Jim’s appointments. 

I know I will love the job… once I get over the guilt.

Interview AND thankful…

I haven’t worked since we've had our daughter Kristen. She is special needs and has many medical, behavioral, and mental challenges. I have to be readily available at a moment’s notice to care for her in case of an emergency. But, now that we are facing Jim’s cancer, things are changing. I have a job interview tomorrow. I have not worked outside the home in over 15 years. 

We have had many financial increases lately. The bottom dropped out of our world (emotionally and financially) with Jim’s lung cancer diagnosis. Jim’s last day of work was January 24th, 2013. We are a payday-to-payday type of family…  and now our one income family went to a no-income family. Jim will receive short term disability (soon I hope) at 60% of his gross pay, but no payments have been received by him as of this blog date. We are blessed that we will have 60% of his income, but we will still have 100% of the bills, and right now we have 0%income. We had a small savings account, but that was emptied last week to cover Jim’s medical deductibles to date, and to cover our monthly expenses. We learned very quickly that co-pay’s ($35 per appointment) do not go towards deductibles. Jim has six appointments this week, which comes to $210 in co-pays alone, plus deductible. Another item that I had not budgeted for was additional fuel for the car. Normally I do not travel much but now we have several trips to the doctors and to various appointments. My gasoline fuel budget has tripled. As of today, we are still current on our bills, but now we have no savings account to fall back on, and no income. That can be scary sometimes. So, that is why I am applying for a job.

My classmates surprised me by providing meals for us during and after Jim’s pneumonectomy hospital stay. That saved us so much time, stress, and grocery money. That was such a blessing to us, a need that I did not even realize that I needed.

Please keep in mind that I am not complaining. I’m just writing about the unforeseen financial challenge that we will have to face. We are a proud family and we want to cover our own expenses without going on public assistance. We do not want to ask for help. So that simply means that I need to find a job since Jim cannot work. 

I am applying for a part-time, morning shift job, so that I will still be available to drive Jim to his many appointments. This job will allow me to get the kids off to school, and to be home when they return, while allowing me to transport Jim to his appointments. The job is only minimum wage, but considering the time constraints that I have to work around,minimum wage is something that I will just have to accept. I know that it will be a job that I will love, so that is a blessing. Maybe I should have finished my bachelor’s degree, lol.

I know that there will be many unforeseen challenges along this cancer journey, and this is simply a blog post about one of those challenges. I will have to step out on faith and ‘play the cards that are dealt to us’… because ‘it is what it is’. I think I have those two phrases drilled into my head. Wish me luck! 

Edit: I wrote this blog at 7am. At 2pm we received a wonderful surprise, financial help from my dear friends and classmates! Yea for stepping out on faith! Happy tears and grateful tears were shed. We just need to say a huge thank you for the financial assistance that was given to us at the exact moment that we really needed it. We were blown-away by the kindness and generosity that has been shown to us. We really appreciate it very much, more that you will ever know. I don't know how they pulled it off without me finding out, but they certainly did! 

You all mean so very much to me, and to Jim, and to our family. Thank you.