I worry...

Some evenings seem to last forever; like this one tonight. I am so tired and yet I cannot sleep. My mind will not stop racing. I worry. 

I worry about the surgery. I worry about the outcome. I worry about Jim. I worry about being alone. I worry about managing Jim’s care. I worry about finances. I worry about setting aside time for the kids. I worry about how Jim is coping. I worry about having to drive at night. I worry about paperwork. I worry about getting the kids to their activities. I worry about saying the right things. I worry about what to make for dinner. I worry about childcare. I worry about saying the wrong things. I worry about Jim missing Matt’s basketball games. I worry about being supportive enough. I worry about keeping Jim’s spirit up. I worry about conversations, both spoken and unspoken. I worry about Jim’s pain after the surgery. I worry about Jim getting “cabin fever”. I worry about Jim being bored. I worry about Jim accepting help. I worry about Jim not going to work and doing what he loves. I worry about Jim being happy with his adjusted lifestyle. I worry about little things that don’t matter, and I worry about the thing that matter the most.

I read somewhere, I don’t recall where, that ‘you can’t wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time.’ Sometimes that is easier said than done. It does no good to worry. I need to refocus; and stay focused on the positive. I guess it comes back to ‘it is what it is’ and ‘we’ll play the cards that are dealt to us’.