Blizzard of Oz...

internet photo

 Kansas had a big snowfall (second on record) lovingly named "The Blizzard of Oz", followed two days later by another snowfall; 21” in total which is a new record for us! Our kids were out of school on Thursday and Friday, then again on Monday and Tuesday, six consecutive days out of school!

We were very blessed to have everything we needed during the storms so we did not have to venture out. Our home had electricity the entire time. Our internet never faltered. I did get some exercise while moving snow. I was very thankful to our neighbor; he helped me shovel our drive and walkway, twice! Our 11 year old son Matt cleared the snow today, thankfully without my help because moving snow made me pretty sore and stiff.

This snowfall has caused some chaos with doctor appointments. Our appointment on Thursday 21Feb13 was bumped to Friday 22Feb13. Friday’s appointment triggered four new appointments that cannot be scheduled yet due to doctor offices and facilities being closed due to the storms. Jim tried calling for appointments several times today, but only received answering machines. We are afraid that these storms have added another week to his recovery mission.

My husband Jim is continuing to make healing progress. His pain is now being managed well, after some initial setbacks. His endurance continues to improve, but is not yet where he wants it to be. Jim’s body is recovering at a slow but steady pace, which is exactly what the doctors have told us to expect. Jim walked a short distance in the snow packed street today. He is already tired of being cooped up. Perhaps the weather that caused the appointment delays will be a blessing in disguise because it has allowed Jim an extra week to heal and recover.  Jim continues to keep a positive attitude. As a friend of mine has stated, Jim’s funny bone was not removed. 

beginning, middle, end of Blizzard of Oz 25-26Feb2013

Phase two has begun...

Jim continues to recover from his pneumonectomy on 12Feb13. It is a slow process. Lots of ups and downs, steps forward, steps backwards and one never knows what each day will hold. The surgeons were unable to remove all of the cancer from Jim, even after his left lung was removed. The cancer had encroached upon the heart, and there is a small tumor in the superior pulmonary vein. Jim will require aggressive treatment, in the form of chemotherapy and radiation. 

Jim had an appointment today with his oncologist. It went well. Baseline tests have been ordered and the wheels are in motion to begin Jim’s chemotherapy “soon”. We hear that word “soon” quite often and we are never sure exactly what that means.

It will be a long and difficult journey, but one that must be taken. As a friend said, the goal is not to finish the race first, but it is a race that must be completed. Another friend said: the road to recovery is never straight.

My friends have stepped forward and given us assistance that we did not even realize that we needed. We are very thankful for them. We have each been surprised to receive emotional support from our respective acquaintances, which are now our friends. We are very thankful for our closer relationships. We each have some dear friends that are encouraging us in many ways, as we knew that they would. We are each very thankful for those dear friends.

Phase two of the journey has now begun.

Home...

Wow, What a week this has been; ups, downs, joy, sadness. I am so happy that my husband, Jim, is home now. It seems like just a minute ago he was in surgery, and it seems like ages ago that he was in surgery. I have no sense of time. But, it has been 5 days. 

It will be an adjustment for him, but he is a strong man and I know that he will make it through this current phase. 

Tomorrow we find out about his next set of appointments. Then we find out what will need to be done to continue on this journey. 

Jim's pathology report was not good. As I have said many times, we will play the cards that are dealt to us. 

Gratitude...

Some people have said “just take one day at a time.” They are right. But, sometimes I have to take just one hour at a time… and days like today, I take one minute at a time. Jim is doing better and I am so glad to see him improving so much. I think perhaps his improvement is why I have begun to let my guard down. This morning I was looking through my Facebook page and reading all the supportive posts and comments. It moved me to tears of gratitude for the prayers, love, and support that is being shown to us; but my kids still had to wait three minutes before leaving for school and I didn't want to cry in front of them and ruin their day at school. I had to actively distract my mind so that I could hold it together for just three more minutes. It was difficult. Difficult due the emotions that were inside me, difficult because I am so physically tired, difficult because I was overwhelmed with gratitude, difficult because I have had to hold it together for so long… but I made it through those three minutes. The door to the house had not even shut and I was crying. I just really need to say thank you to everyone that has been lifting us up through our crisis. I need you. I appreciate you. I’m scared of the unknown paths that Jim and I will have to cross soon. Please continue your support. I am eternally grateful to you for things like prayers, encouraging words, and your fb comments and likes. They mean so much right now. So now, for the third time this morning I need to go reapply my make up because I have cried on it yet again.

“Tears are words from the heart that cannot be spoken.” ~unknown

Today is a new day...

Last night I received a call from Jim that he had trouble breathing and he had to get medical support. I was so scared. I was at home with the kids. I can't drive at night. I had been awake for 41 hours so I could barely function. It broke my heart that I could not go to him. I worried about him all night, but I am so glad that he called me to let me know. Even though I worry, even though I lost sleep, I am glad that Jim called me to let me know.

It was a rough night for my husband Jim last night, but he is doing better this morning. As a friend told me, Jim's path to healing won't be straight; two steps forward, one step back. We'll just have to see what this day holds.

Today Jim is struggling some with his breathing. The aches and pains from his surgery are beginning to effect him more. But, Jim began to breathe better and his spirits were lifted this morning.

Jim made me a Valentine's Day card! I was so surprised! I was so touched that in the midst of Jim's own crisis, Jim was thinking of me. I will treasure that card always.

Jim started his day with a walk. He is gaining strength each day. After lunch he had yet another walk, two laps this time! Later, a third walk. Go Jim! His drive and determination is a wonderful thing.

He has been able to eat some, but of course he doesn't have his previous appetite. I think his eating will improve with time.

His spirits are good. As a friend said, I'm glad they did not remove his funny bone!

So, although today started out difficult, Jim finished his day with flying colors. Jim was moved out of ICU and into a regular room today, Valentine's Day. Most of the hoses, tubes, leads and such have been removed. Jim is looking great! I cannot wait for Jim to return home. I'm in awe of Jim's success. Here's a photo of Jim just after he was moved into his new room. 

2.13.13

The first night after the pneumonectomy was a long one. I'm glad that I stayed at the hospital overnight; but I really needed a nap at that point.

5:00a was the halfway point of Jim's first 24 hours. I was encouraged by Jim's improvement throughout the night. The doctors are pleased with Jim's progress so far, considering the task before him.

Jim began to have some of the various tubes and monitors removed. Jim was beginning to be lucid for longer periods of time. Jim was able to stand for a few minutes in the morning. Later Jim walked down the hallway, twice!

Jim's first two nurses were wonderful, caring people. Jim's nurse on 13th was not. There's often one bad apple. 

Jim was told the details of his surgery, and his challenges that he will be facing in the next few weeks. Jim is strong. I know he and I can fight this together.

I am in awe of my friends and family. Their support means the world to me, and to Jim. Some of my acquaintances have became friends and a huge source of support. Many of my friends have stepped in to help us, too. My family is being supportive as well.

The 13th started rocky, then went extraordinary well, but the day ended pretty rough.

I wonder how the 14th will go.

The surgery day 2.12.13...

We arrived at 5:45a for Jim's surgery to remove his left lung. After admittance paperwork, we were taken to his ICU room where a team of five nurses prepared Jim for the operation. Jim spoke with his doctor about the procedure.

Yesterday, we took the kids to build-a-bear and Jim bought Kristen a bear and Matt a dog. We wanted them to have something special to hug until Jim returned home from the hospital.

Jim was able to phone our youngest son Matt this morning; just before Matt left for school. Jim was able to visit with Kristen this morning before we left for the hospital. Jim talked by phone to Kira and Jessica. Dan is in England and I relayed Dan's messages to Jim.

Then, we wait. Jim was prepped and ready. Jim's surgeon was delayed, so we waited some more.

Jim went through the OR door at 1:11p. This was about two hours behind schedule. At 1:45p the nurse said the doctor "liked what he saw" and proceeded to remove the lung. 4:05p The nurse said that the lung was out and that the doctor was closing, then Jim would be in recovery.

At 5p I spoke with the surgeon. The cancerous tumor was huge, and more than expected. It had encroached on the heart sack and it was in the superior pulmonary vein. The doctor took all that he could but it was too close to the heart. Chemo and radiation will begin in the next 1-3 weeks. The next 24 hrs would be tricky. The doctor's biggest concerns right now are blood clots, heart attack, stroke. Blood thinners are being given to help prevent this.

The hospital seems to be managing Jim's pain well. Jim is resting the best he can, considering. A long night is still ahead. 11p 2.12.13 photos: before surgery, Matt visiting his dad after surgery.

 

Surgery tomorrow…

My husband Jim’s surgery for lung cancer is tomorrow. It is becoming real now. I've been so busy attending appointments with Jim, and getting ready for the surgery, that I have been going through the motions and keeping myself numb to the reality of the situation. It is scary. We have so much in our favor, yet it still scares me.

I am doing my best to think positively. Yet at the same time, I try to prepare for every scenario. If the worst were to happen, I have no regrets. I have told Jim that I love him. We have had many discussions about a variety of subjects. I cannot think of anything that I didn't get to a chance to say.

I am so ready for Jim to begin healing from this cancer. He doesn't like being sick, and I don’t like seeing him suffer. I believe that once the cancer is removed, and the trauma from the surgery has passed, that Jim will be his old self again. He may not have the lung capacity that he had before, but he will have his old spirit back again. Feeling ill has really taken a toll on Jim. He is so unaccustomed to feeling miserable. I am looking forward to the day when he can be his (nearly) ol’ self again.

My friends have really been a blessing to me. I have been moved to tears more than once with the outpouring of support and love and prayers that Jim and I have received. Unexpected words, unexpected gestures. In addition, the pearl/white awareness ribbon with Jim’s photo is popping up all over our FaceBook pages! It brings us peace to see it and know that we are being thought of and prayed for. I like it when Jim looks at FaceBook and says “there’s another ribbon!” Thank you for posting the ribbon for us. I look forward to this time next year when I can change the ribbon to Lung Cancer SURVIVOR! 

Just one month ago…

It was only one month ago that everything seemed normal. All my “normal” was about to change. We found out on January 9^th, 2013, that my husband, Jim, had a mass in his lung. On January 17^th, we were told it was most likely cancer. This diagnosis was confirmed a few days later. After more tests we were told two encouraging bits of news: The cancer was non-small cell, and the cancer was contained to one area. Both of these were blessings to us. Jim is working with four doctors that he is very comfortable with. Four days from today, on February 12, just five short weeks after our first bit of information, Jim will have his entire left lung removed.

In the beginning we only told a few people about what Jim was dealing with, and we found in them a great source of love, prayer and encouragement. All of those conversations were very positive and uplifting. Once Jim was ready, we told the rest our friends and family. Most of those conversations were supportive and encouraging. Sadly, not all. 

I can’t speak for Jim, but for me it has been a roller coaster of emotions; worry, denial, and anger being the most prominent. Right now I am in a ‘just roll with it’ state of mind. It is out of my control. I can only react to it. I can’t predict what will happen. I can’t fix it. I can’t make it go away. It is what it is. We will play the cards that are dealt to us.

I am so thankful to those that have been praying for Jim, and for my family. I am thankful to those that have sent us words of encouragement. I am thankful that the cancer is not as bad as it could have been. I am thankful that the cancer was caught in time to do something about it. I am thankful that two of our adult children happened to be here to help us deal with the initial news. I am thankful that the survival rate for this surgery is very high (95%). I am thankful to my Facebook friends that have been so supportive. I am thankful for many things, even in the midst of all of this.

I worry...

Some evenings seem to last forever; like this one tonight. I am so tired and yet I cannot sleep. My mind will not stop racing. I worry. 

I worry about the surgery. I worry about the outcome. I worry about Jim. I worry about being alone. I worry about managing Jim’s care. I worry about finances. I worry about setting aside time for the kids. I worry about how Jim is coping. I worry about having to drive at night. I worry about paperwork. I worry about getting the kids to their activities. I worry about saying the right things. I worry about what to make for dinner. I worry about childcare. I worry about saying the wrong things. I worry about Jim missing Matt’s basketball games. I worry about being supportive enough. I worry about keeping Jim’s spirit up. I worry about conversations, both spoken and unspoken. I worry about Jim’s pain after the surgery. I worry about Jim getting “cabin fever”. I worry about Jim being bored. I worry about Jim accepting help. I worry about Jim not going to work and doing what he loves. I worry about Jim being happy with his adjusted lifestyle. I worry about little things that don’t matter, and I worry about the thing that matter the most.

I read somewhere, I don’t recall where, that ‘you can’t wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time.’ Sometimes that is easier said than done. It does no good to worry. I need to refocus; and stay focused on the positive. I guess it comes back to ‘it is what it is’ and ‘we’ll play the cards that are dealt to us’. 

Surgery date set…

Today, Jim (and I) met with the surgeon. The date for Jim’s pneumonectomy (entire lung) has been set for Tuesday 12Feb2013. Jim will arrive bright and early and the procedure should start around 11:30a, and will last approximately five hours. Of course nerves are on edge, but Jim and I are both glad that there is an option for ridding his body of this cancer. We know that there are no guarantees, but we do have strong hope for a full recovery. Jim is tired of feeling sick and he is ready to begin his recovery. The doctor has said that Jim’s recovery will take 4-6 months, perhaps more… but it will all depend on his recovery rate of success. Some patients recover more quickly, some take longer, so we will just have to wait and see. Jim has always done things full-blast, and I would expect his recovery to reflect that same go-get-'em spirit. 

The lung cancer awareness ribbon is pearl. If you are so inclined, please post this photo on your Facebook or blog on Tuesday February 12th, 2013. You can simply copy and paste it, or swipe it from my fb page. 

If you'd like to order a magnet, here is the link that I found online here. 

And we wait...

My husband, Jim, was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Jim had an appointment with a surgeon, but no surgery date has been set for his lung removal because that surgeon was called out of town. Later this week Jim will have another appointment with another surgeon. The educated guess is that the surgery will be within ten days. We are both relieved and stressed with this information; glad that the cancer will be removed from his body, but distressed that he has to have such an invasive surgery. Cancer is never good, but we are blessed that Jim’s cancer is no worse than it is. There are so many families that are suffering with so much more. We both appreciate your encouraging words and your prayers. Two phrases often repeated in our home: “It is what it is.” and “We’ll play the cards that are dealt to us.”