Words can hurt...

My avenue is words. I write. Writing helps me… so for better or worse, here is my list of phrases that I have not found helpful. Keep in mind that I have had many positive and encouraging conversations and I appreciate those things. I know that some people mean well, but some people are just mean. I am consciously trying not to be so thin-skinned. I do try to hear the spirit of their words, and not their actual words, but some of these statements have been hurtful to me.

“It could have been a heart attack.” I already know there are many people that have it much worse than I do, but that doesn't lessen my current situation. Just because I worry doesn't mean I am not thankful that it isn't worse.

“He must be a closet smoker.” Jim has not smoked in 25 years. Non-smokers also get lung cancer. If you have lungs, you can get lung cancer.

“If you don’t support him he won’t heal.” You don’t know me at all. Jim has, and will always have, my full support in every avenue.

“You can’t help him, it’s all on him.” Yes, I can help him. I can be supportive; I can help him reach his goals, etc.

“Karma must have caught up with him.” Do you think he has done something worth cancer?

“How are you going to handle things on your own.” I’m not on my own. Jim isn't dead.

“How long have you kept this secret from me.” I've known about this for a matter of days/weeks… not months/years. Here’s a thought… it is not all about you!

“You shouldn't joke and tease about this.” Although it isn't funny, laughter is the best medicine. Jim loves to joke and tease, and to be teased.

“This will cure cancer.” So… you know the cure to cancer and you haven’t shared it with the world? If you held the cure for cancer you would be on the evening news.

“You don’t know how he feels.” True, I don’t know exactly how he feels, but I have a far better idea than you think I do.

“My mom had lung cancer, but she died within months.” I don’t need to hear that right now.

“If you pray hard enough he’ll be healed.” I know many strong believers that are widows or childless. Prayer and belief are not a guarantee.

“I haven’t even seen you cry.” You cannot see my heart. You haven’t seen my pillow. Maybe you don’t understand me.