Sunday, March 27, 2016

Some days...

Some days are harder than others. Yesterday I watched a movie with a hospital death scene, and gentle tears fell from my eyes. My daughter's death hits me when I least expect it. Even the happiest memories of her are often clouded by sad and lonely thoughts. I still clearly see her final days, and it breaks my heart. 

I cry far more than anyone realizes. It is often difficult to keep myself composed. It is hard to hide the tears. 

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a tall cliff. The height is scary and frightening. It causes panic, fear, anxiety. I'm hopeful that I won't fall, and yet hopeful that I will. 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Too much...

I am tired of being sad. 

I am tired of being a disappointment. I am tired of being hurt. I am tired of never being enough. I am tired of being disappointed. I am tired of crying. I am tired of smiling. I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of being in a crowd. 

I am tired of being sad. 

Monday, March 7, 2016

Too stressed to post...

So much has happened in the last two years. I don't even know how to begin. Husband Jim is still fighting cancerS, yes plural, cancers. Daughter Kristen suddenly and unexpectedly died November 16, 2015. I hope to elaborate  more in the future on both events.