Doctor called...

The doctor has called and confirmed that my husband, Jim, has lung cancer. (See previous posts for details.) We will be moving ahead quickly now. Jim will be having a PET  scan to be sure the cancer is only in the lung. If no new cancers, then surgery will be "soon". The doctor did not give a date/time, just "soon".  

Jim has told daughter Jessica, son Dan, daughter Kira, daughter Kristen, son Matt. Matt, age 11, took the news much better than we expected. Matt asked Jim if he was going to die. Jim answered "that is not my plan!" A few close friends and family know what we are dealing with. Jim will tell others in his own time. Thank you for your support. :) 

Today is the day...

Today is the day of Jim's first procedure (see previous post for details). It's not been a pleasant day so far. I'm sick with a stomach bug; son Matt has a bad cough. Luckily son Dan is visiting from England and he is looking after the kids.

11:15a We have checked in at the hospital and we are waiting in the waiting room. Jim is scheduled to begin at 1p. Jim is in good spirits despite the uncertainty. I wish that I felt better but it is what it is. I will try to update throughout the day, as long as I have power and Internet.

11:20a The nurse has taken Jim back to get him prepared. I am still waiting. 11:55 I'm now waiting with Jim.

12:35p Jim was just taken back. And now I wait. My cousin is here waiting with me. My mom joined us in the waiting room a bit later. This is Jim on his way into the procedure.

1:50p It was not the post surgery news we had hoped for. It is not an infection. The doctor's best guess is a cancer of some sort. Now we wait to find out the degree of concern. They are concerned about his weight loss. Surgery was briefly discussed. We will know more in a few days. :( Jim is now in recovery, joking and cutting up. This photo is Jim in recovery. We'll be going home any minute.

3:30p. We are home now. Jim is resting. I am still trying to process all the information. We will deal with whatever is thrown at us. 

Alone...

Well, today we received some news. They had thought that my husband, Jim, had pneumonia for the last several weeks. But it turns out he does not. There is an unexplained mass on his left lung. One of the bronchial tubes has become blocked but they do not know why.

The doctor has scheduled an exploration into Jim’s lung on Thursday (17Jan2013). They will try to look at the blockage, and take some sample tissue for testing. The best case scenario is some type of infection that can be treated and will go away. The second scenario is that it is some kind of growth or tumor. They would then evaluate the next step. The third scenario is that it is some type of cancer. No plan of action for this worst case option was discussed at today’s appointment.

Although Jim is a non-smoker for 25 years now, the doctor stated that sometimes non-smokers can develop this cancer anyway. Jim has also been exposed (in addition to his own smoking for 10 years) to second hand smoke from his parent when he was a child, and from his ex-wife while they were married. How frustrating that secondhand smoke can so easily be avoided, yet people selfishly expose others to their dangerous habits. The doctor spent a lot of time talking about secondhand smoke. 

We have to deal with how and when to tell the children; not only our younger children at home, but our adult children as well. Jim’s elder daughter has not talked to Jim in nearly two years because of her own created issues. Jim wished he could have a relationship with her, but she refuses to take ownership of her own choices. Jim’s second daughter is very close with Jim, but Jim shouldn't come between the sisters. Jim’s step-son and step-daughter (my kids) are very supportive of Jim. Jim hasn't spoken to his own siblings or mother in nearly five years. They had a huge falling out and Jim was devastated by their betrayal to him. I have very little family, and my kids and I are rarely on even ground with them. Most of my extended family have issues of their own that they are dealing with. I do have a cousin that I often rely on, but she is already providing a lot of emotional support to others right now.

I am not sure how I am feeling right now. I’m a bit scared. I’m worried. I’m confused. I’m a bit overwhelmed. I don’t like seeing other people have to go through medical procedures and the physical and mental stress that goes with those procedures. I’m concerned for Jim, of course. He must be reeling from all the information that was just thrown at him (us). Jim is not really the “sharing” type of guy, so he has not expressed his concerns to me yet.

I often reach out to my Facebook friends when I am worried and concerned. My Facebook friends are my system of support. Jim has asked me not to post on Facebook yet because he doesn't want certain people to find out that he may be sick. Jim does not like fake concern from people that normally would not give a hoot about him. So here I sit at my keyboard… wondering if I should post this blog or not. If you are one of my (or Jim’s) Facebook friends, please do not publicly share this information on Facebook. Please do not share this blog with people you know Jim would not want to know. 

I guess for me, the emotion that I feel the most right now is… alone. I feel very alone.